


I think I’ve seen this film before... so I’m leaving out the side door

by sapphicrubyy



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Angst, M/M, episode 7 is still making me cry, i wanna give reki a hug, reki is really insecure and sad, they’re both really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:08:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29607144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicrubyy/pseuds/sapphicrubyy
Summary: Angst cause I’m still crying over episode 7.
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	I think I’ve seen this film before... so I’m leaving out the side door

**Author's Note:**

> Title based on Exile by Taylor Swift.

I could feel the rain pour down as I trudged back. Langa. I turned back but he wouldn’t let me go. “Welcome home.” I can’t deal with this. I don’t wanna hear it. Then he mentioned Adam. Why does this always happen? Why does everyone I care about leave? I don’t want this. Why is he so caring to me? It makes me feel like crying.

“Don’t apologize! It just means you’re gonna break the promise with me, right?” I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to see someone I care about get hurt again. I know I have no right. But still... “Do you know just how much I...” How much I need you. How scared I am. How much I can’t lose you. How much I... I don’t know.

It’s normal for me. I don’t care about being the best but... when you’re constantly being told you’re no good, obviously it hurts. I don’t really care about that much though. The thing that really stings is.. I’m always left behind. I’m no good. And people don’t have the patience to keep around a loser like me. I thought skateboarding was the one thing but... I’m falling behind in that too. Langa’s gonna forget about me too. He’s gonna...

The words continued to ring in my head. “Skating together with someone amazing like that gets you excited!” What? How could I be.. The flashes of terror crept up on me. No. It wasn’t exciting. Not at all. I was terrified. I’m not a genius. I can’t do it. In the end I’m just not good enough. When there’s always something better. People always leave. Because I don’t matter. I don’t matter.

“Nothing like me.” I thought.. when I met Langa, there was finally someone. That I didn’t have to be alone. But now he’s leaving too. Because I’m not good enough. I’m not a good enough skater and I’m not exciting enough for him. I can’t give him that. I’m just something to be thrown away I guess. “Do whatever you like.” What’s the point if in the end I’m always hurting. You’re so far ahead and I... I’m nothing. Just a failure and everyone knows it.

As I began walking away, maybe a part of me stopped. It wasn’t the first time. I’m always losing. “I can’t keep up.” I can’t keep fighting when it’s all so obvious I care too.. much. I can’t deal with that constant fear of losing you. I hate the moments when I’m afraid our happiness will shatter in front of me. I’m tired.. of loving you. 

What we have is special but it’s fine if you’re just another person. I can get over it. I always do. This constant state of misery– it’s fine. I won’t be ok but.. I can keep surviving. As long as your happy.

“You and I aren’t... a good match anymore.” I’m leaving. It hurts but.. I’d rather this than watching you leave. This way I don’t have to face it. You can have your fun. I’m used to going unnoticed. I’ve never been important and that’s completely fine. It’s fine if it goes back to just me. Whenever I’m around other people I always end up spilling my guts and driving people away. I guess it’s better keeping a certain distance.

I went home, straight to my bedroom. This is fine. Collapsing to the ground, I let it all out in this secret lonely place. I cried. I felt like I could never stop. Almost like I was gonna drown in this despair. What.. did I do? I can’t help but feel like there’s something wrong with me. Why does everyone always leave.. me? I’ve seen it all before. And every time, I hate how it ends. I start to care and suddenly they’re gone. Not this time. This time... I’m leaving.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
